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The rain falls mainly from heaven ,on the green grass here on earth.....There is joy in the family of the rain,sometimes pain can cause tears to fall like,just likethe falling of the rain,the ways of�this world will always be�changing,no matter what.But if we are sad,we can walk in�love like a dove,and the rainwill continue to fall from heaven.�

by hilda

What am I afraid of and why?

I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid that I will end up alone. I have been hurt and I think part of me has come to believe that people always let you down.. they always leave. No one loves you enough to stick around or to stick it out. I guess because of that I push people away. I dont let them get close to me to hurt me.. I dont let them in.. I dont let them get to know me. As a result of this, when people do like me I dont think much of it because they dont know the real me, because I've hidden it from them. Every once and awhile I let my guard down,and spurts of the real me come out. Times like that make me wonder what is real about me. There is a part that is hidden, who I like to believe is the real me and then there is the brave face I present to the world. Yet, if that is the face that is seen most often, isnt it entirely possible that this new false me has replaced the old. Is�the new photocopied version the truth? Its hard to have identity and self worth when there are two conflicting sides. I guess because I push people away so much I worry that my worst fear will come true. People dont often surprise you and if I believe that everyone always leaves then most likely, they will. Loneliness is something I seek so often and yet its not what I want at all. Maybe more than loneliness, my worst fear is putting myself out there. Even more scary than being lonely and rejected is finding someone who wants to stay. I dont know what real love is.. I dont fully understand commitment and sacrifice.� I know what loneliness is because I've been there. Maybe my worst fear is the uncertainty of companionship. I'm scared to let someone get to know me because I worry what they might find.

Apple blossom and cherry trees,

���� Butterflies and honeybees,

�Days filled with play and fun.

������ Dogs barking and cows lowing.

�Grandma baking and gardens growing,

������ Horseback riding and new mown hay,

Carefree days of fun and play.

������ These are the days I like to remember,

�From early June until September.

������� Barefoot,blue jeans,and peasent blouses,

� Summer days at Grandma's house.

�By: Hilda

AKA�satinlady

The mountain is majestic,���������������

as it reaches to the sky;

At times it seems to bow its head,

To let the the clouds go by.

The sun in all its glory,

peeks over itsjaded domicile,

and struggle in their nests.

The rippling of the clear cool stream,

Is music to my ears.

Polished by the years.

To those who has trod,

And no other thing can guite compare

To this masterpiece of God.

����������� By:Satinlady

weight : 138lb��������� bmi: 25.2

so as you can tell im a little obsessed with my weight. well not exactly my weight, but i dont feel like i look as good as i could and with summer fast approaching, and my first holiday for four years, i need to get that beach body and QUICK. so i thought if i actually keep track of how i am doing i may actually feel guilty instead of just saying 'oh well' and continue to munch my way through another packet of biscuits. is that normal? i mean seriously, i come home and immedialtey head for the kitchen, hand streched out infront of me towards the familiar cupboard containg all the treats. so yeah... just under 10 stone, which some people may think is ok but then again i am only 5ft 2inches tall, so think again.

i� believe tht it is the end of an era as i have just this week finished my gcses which is so freaking good as i am the WORST at revising. i spent most of study leave watching tv. i really hate my housemistress at school as i had to see her yesterday to sign something and she started harrassing me into doing something for sports day and i feel like saying 'no f**k off'. she only care about her favourite pet pupils and it actually makes me sick. well i have the whole summer ahead to completely wipe any school memories from my mind and seeing as when i return some of the people that i hate will have gone,�i think that 6 form is going to be much better. we'll see...

havent done much today as people have been coming and going as they view the house, so i have been completely bored. this morning was histerical though because my mum was out and i was sitting on the sofa and my brother was admiring himself infront of the mirror. my dad shouts downstairs 'wheres the hairbrush' and comes running downstairs and leaps for it when he sees it on the table. at precisely the same time my brother grabs it and the poor old hairbrush had a quick and painless death as it was broken in two. once we had all finished laughing we started to think of the butt kicking that my mum would give too the two men of the house as it was her hairbrush, and my dad vainly tried to sellotape it back tgether again, saying weakly 'do you think she will notice?'

When strawberries flowers in the valley,and the roses all bloom.It is here I recall of us sitting beneath the rose covered arber.We weren't but kids.

You would always pick a rose to give to me,to wear on my pink cotton dress.

We would walk through the feilds with our dollies and gather wild strawberries� so sweet.

who shared in this summertime treat.When strawberries flowered in the valley,and the roses were in full bloom,I remember my childhood days and what I learn over this time in life.

��� by satinlady

i just noticed today that i havnt been on here for months mind you nowt much has changed .well i sorted out the problem with my parents at last .but nothing else has changed i'm still sick of not working so when i get my jnee fixed again then i'm going to look for a job .why ? well i'm skint fedup and bored to tears . i have the life of an o.a.p and i want more there has to be more i hate sitting here day in day out with nothing to do so knee fixed then work i'm sure there is somthing i can still do even if it is only for a couple of more years .I CANT STAND BEEING LONLEY ANY MORE .

Okay, SportyGirl15 is great, She beleives that god made us all the way we are supposed to be and now i am thinking "yeah thats true" so i ave tried my best to ignor any nasty comments or immitations about me or anyone i care about, thanks girl xxx

Lord,how I need the quite of a summer eve.

When heaven bends low�����������

to catch the tulmult of the teeming hours,

and cups them in the stillness of a placid time.

When birds sing softly and a mass of stars shine forth in peaceful benediction.

By satinlady

AKA Hilda Jackson Butts

It's now one O'clock in the morning,sleep is out of the question.Here I sit at the kitchen table,all is still this early morning.

I prayed you find this peace where you are now,the starsabove are so very bright,how I wish you could see them,but then I remember that you are smiling down on me.

The tears I shed,I need not to mention,you know my heart is heavy,missing your presence in every day.But�I am reassured,for now you have found santuary from pain.

Your eyes are forever closed,we'll miss you dearly sweet one,But I find my reassurance in what the Lord has done,your heart is now free of the chains that bound� it.

His gracious� savior,in whose love you'll now surrounded.Our Lord will protect you and keep you safe in all ways,so sleep on sweet one,mind not me.One day we'll meet again,and we'll let that comfort me.

�In loving memory of my mother